


Memory

by LoriLee (cowgirl65)



Category: The Big Valley
Genre: Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-03
Updated: 2009-05-03
Packaged: 2017-11-23 10:06:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowgirl65/pseuds/LoriLee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nick returns home - without Heath.  A short story for a challenge on another board.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own The Big Valley and make no money from this.

Am I glad to be almost home. Coco knows we’re almost there and gets a little more spring in his step. It’s been a rough trip. In fact, I’m not real sure exactly what happened. Must’ve been the cheap whiskey at that saloon. Sure woke up with one heck of a hangover. But I feel as though there’s something I should remember. What was it? Oh, yeah, supposed to meet my brother in town. He’s gonna be real sore at me for not being there. Still, something else is bothering me. Like I’ve forgotten something important. Like something is missing.

I ride up to barn and see to my horse. He’s been a good friend and gets a good rubdown before I turn him loose in the corral. Walking into the house, I shout to see if anyone’s home. Heck, it’s a big house. Sound’s gotta carry a long way. My mother comes down the stairs and reminds me to be a little quieter. As I smile at her and give her a hug, I think again what a beautiful woman she is, how graceful and caring. When I finally settle down, it’ll be with someone as vibrant and intelligent, who loves her children as much as my mother.

Well, what do you know? Even my big brother and little sister are home. My brother gives me a hearty handshake and slap on the back and my sister smiles one of her dazzling smiles.

Where’s Heath? Mother wants to know. 

Heath? I think for a minute. The name seems familiar, but I don’t recall ever knowing anyone named Heath. Maybe someone I was doing business with? That doesn’t seem right, either.

I ponder who Mother is talking about and Jarrod gives me an exasperated look. You know, Heath? Blond cowboy, about six feet tall? Your brother? 

That’s a surprise. Been a long time since Jarrod’s tried to pull a practical joke on me and he sure needs more practice. Going along with it, I tell him that even though he’s not home all that often, I still remember our brother’s name is Eugene. Unless he’s changed that along with his major this time I add, snickering. Eugene changes his major at college more often than Audra changes dresses.

Don’t tell me you lost Heath, my sister says. 

Maybe he ran off with a pretty girl from one of the saloons you two visited, Jarrod adds. 

I’m sure Nick will tell us where Heath is. Mother does not look impressed. 

Well, neither am I. They’re trying to be funny and it’s not working and I tell them so. It’s been a long, hot ride and I need a bath, clean clothes and a good meal, not my family’s sorry excuse for a joke. 

But Jarrod follows me up the stairs, telling me it’s not very amusing and demanding I tell him where this Heath is. Well, I know it’s not funny! It’s getting real aggravating! I mean, really, how could someone forget his own brother? 

I try to keep my temper, but my lawyer brother is interrogating me like a was a hostile witness. Can’t he see I’m not going along and let me be? Maybe he’s still mad that I’m planning to take matters into my own hands in this fight with the railroad, instead of leaving it to the courts. But that’s the way our father handled it and I’m too much my father’s son not to follow in his footsteps. 

Enough is enough when we reach the bathroom. I don’t have another brother and I don’t even know anyone named Heath! Jarrod, stop badgering me and we’ll talk about our response to the railroad’s threat to the farmers in the valley AFTER I get cleaned up. I close the door on him. 

The things a man has to put up with in the name of family!

\-----------

Need to move. Moving helps me think. I don’t believe they had the nerve to call Doc Merar! And HE has the nerve to tell me it’s not 1876, it’s 1878 and I’ve lost eighteen months of my life! They’re the ones who’ve lost their minds! Then this wild story about an illegitimate son of Father’s? Accepted into the family as an equal? What sort of gullible fool do they think I am? Even if he does exist, there’s no way the family would accept this Heath the way they say they did! I sure as hell wouldn’t! How dare they? How dare they accuse me of losing a brother I never even had?

But Audra’s too upset, Mother and Jarrod too worried. And the date on that newspaper Jarrod showed me is 1878. Even I don’t go that far for a joke! 

Maybe they’re right. Maybe this Heath does exist. Maybe something did happen and I hit my head and don’t remember. But there is no way Nick Barkley would ever accept a bastard half-brother the way Jarrod’s saying. Tolerate him for the sake of the rest of the family, maybe. Let him help run the ranch if he was good at it, possibly. But not this bond of brotherly love they’re insisting on! 

And now Mother wants me to help look for him! How can I help look for someone I don’t remember? ‘Specially someone I don’t even want to find! But Mother is Mother and when she insists, you go along. Besides, Jarrod needs someone to keep him out of trouble.

\------------------

I wouldn’t’ve believed Jarrod can be this annoying. We’ve been riding for hours and all he’s done is jabber on about Heath this and Heath that. If he doesn’t shut up soon, I’m gonna punch him in the teeth. 

But that feeling I had earlier, about forgetting something, it’s still there. There’s no way it can be this brother, this unknown quantity that invaded my family. Can it? Always wanted a brother who’d be by my side. Jarrod and Gene are great, a man couldn’t ask for better brothers, we’d stand by each other through anything, wouldn’t trade them for the world, but a brother to share the love of the land like I do, now that’d be something. Someone to sit around the fire with on a long trail, to shoulder the burden of running a spread as big as ours. I always knew Jarrod was destined for other things and Gene, well, he’s just not the type. 

Looking at my big brother, I wonder if he suspects. Come on, this Heath he’s been nattering about fits my dream too perfectly. Either Jarrod’s a mind reader or….

Jarrod, shut up already! Didn’t really mean for it to come out like that, but at least he’s quiet. Haven’t seen him this worried since… don’t know if I’ve ever seen him this worried. Maybe that time when I was sixteen and trapped in that old mine. Don’t know who was happier to see who, me or him. Father didn’t even believe Pappy when he said I was in trouble, but sure glad he went along.

Father. How could he do something like that? How could he be unfaithful to Mother? He was such a hero in my eyes. Could do no wrong. This…just can’t get my head around it. All those years, this brother, Heath, was out there and we never knew. Maybe this resentment isn’t about him, it’s about finding out Father wasn’t the paragon my mind made him into.

\-----------------------

What a miserable excuse for a town. I thought that when I left and it’s still true. What was I thinking when I stopped here? Guess that’s one of the things Jarrod and I are here to find out.

Jarrod asks if anything is familiar. Course it’s familiar, I woke up here with a bloody hangover and a year and a half of my life missing, remember? If Jarrod’s smart, he’ll stop asking stupid questions.

Why don’t we start with the sheriff? 

Now that’s a smart question I can agree with. Horses hitched, we walk into the sheriff’s office.

What can I do for you boys? A man with a sheriff’s star is sitting at the desk, sifting through wanted posters. 

We’re looking for our brother, Heath Barkley. 

The sheriff sits back in his chair and ponders Jarrod’s statement. Can’t say as I recollect the name. What’s he look like?

I lean against the wall and cross my arms as Jarrod gives the sheriff the same description he gave me yesterday at home. Still can’t remember anyone like that, but the sheriff does. Says the day I left, he found out the owner of the saloon was drugging strangers and knocking them out before taking any money they might’ve had with them, telling them they drank and gambled it away when they woke up. 

Same thing that happened to me. But one of the strangers put up a fight. Got himself hurt pretty bad and matches Jarrod’s description of Heath. Still laid up at the doc’s, not sure if he’s come to.

Thanks, Jarrod tells him.

Yeah, thanks. Jarrod, don’t give me that look. I didn’t mean it to come out so rude. But you have no idea what I’m feeling right now. Walking down the street, to see if this injured man is the brother I don’t remember.

The doctor’s office is right ahead and we go in.

Yeah, sure, Heath Barkley. He is the man the sheriff was talking about. Just finishing some breakfast, the doctor goes on. He’ll be glad to see you.

Suddenly, I feel like running. Never felt like that before. Nick Barkley, run away? Jarrod and Gene would laugh themselves silly.

Come on, Nick. 

I don’t want to, but I follow Jarrod.

Hey, big brother. I was startin’ to worry ‘bout you. The soft drawl from the bed cuts through me. I look at those blue eyes, that quirky grin and it all comes back. The roundups, the cattle drives, the times sitting around the fire on a long trail, shouldering more than his share of the work running the ranch. How could I ever forget? How could I ever doubt? 

Heath. My brother.


End file.
